You may have puppy fever if you…
– Check your favorite breeder’s whelping box page every morning. And every afternoon. And sometimes you refresh it three times in a row in case the breeder has just happened to update it with a fabulous new litter in the four seconds since you last refreshed it.
– Visit every other breeder’s website. Think hard about whether that anticipated litter would be what you want. Close the window. Open the window back up again. Measure the dam’s shoulder angle with your fingers. Shake your head. Close the window. Open the window back up again. Repeat across at least fifteen websites.
– Curse every breeder who does not have a blog and therefore does not give you the instant, daily updates that you crave. Consider offering to build a blog for your favorite breeders. Consider locking your favorite breeders in a closet until they do the breeding you believe to be crucial to your lifelong happiness.
– Obsess over the idea that somewhere there is a breeder who has never made her presence known on the web, but has an entire yard full of amazing dogs who are just waiting to hop into your arms. Tell yourself that this breeder probably doesn’t even know what she’s got. Spend hours poring over Nationals results and cross-referencing with the AKC store site to see if you can find an unknown but unneutered gorgeous brother of that BOS winner living in the next town over.
– Happen to step into your pet supply place when you are stopping to get pizza. Hang out in the collar and leash aisle wondering if bright pink or baby blue is prettier, and then spend 30 minutes reading labels over in the food section, just in case a new dog can’t tolerate what the others are eating. On your way out, swing by your trainer’s facility and read the schedule for puppy kindergarten.
– Know instantly what your puppy’s first show weekend would be if he was born right this second. Be able to adjust by two or three months in either direction without having to think too hard.
– Work complex mathematical algorithms involving which gender and color would be the best to add to the pack. These must involve plans of at least two or three generations in the future.
– Make wild plans to buy three puppies at once. Scrap them. Make wild plans to buy two puppies at once. Scrap them. Make wild plans to buy one puppy and add five additional kennel spaces for all the flawless keeper puppies that will be born from the amazing pairings you will make with your puppy.
– Realize that you haven’t checked the breed club’s breeder referral page in the last three days. Leap to do so. Sigh in frustration when there are no new breeders listed, or squeak with glee when there’s a new one and immediately add them to your cyber-stalking list.
– Go into a restaurant and, when you are asked if you want a table or a booth, you think “Booth… that’s a pretty good name for a puppy. Kennelname Phantom Tollbooth. OH MY GOSH IT’S GENIUS. BIS, multi BISS, MACH Kennelname’s Phantom Tollbooth, CDX, RAE. I can hardly wait for the parade of champions!” Hardly notice what you’re eating because you’re doodling rosettes on your napkin. Absentmindedly order liver as a side dish.
And you may REALLY REALLY REALLY have puppy fever if you…
– Are completely jazzed because you got to be “there” (at least via gmail chat) when Lizzie had her first puppy. Congratulations, Lizard, because this is going to be an amazing litter. And thank you for letting me have a little piece of that joy.