Tetanus! Like Festivus!

I am beginning to feel like all I ever post is DISASTER! And then some CRISIS! Add in A COMPLETE MECHANICAL FAILURE!

It HAS been one of the more eventful years of my life, but please don’t think that it’s all bad. We are so happy about the way the house is turning out; the kids are healthy; the dogs are fine. We have a LOT to be thankful for and we try to be mindful of that. And in a few months things should get a lot better for the whole family. 

Meanwhile, however, the stories are still coming ;). And today was no different.

I was over at the house today, like I am most days now, but this time we had an appointment to meet with our insurance guy to drop off some paperwork. 

While we were waiting for him to show up, I walked over to the house to show Doug the new window that was installed in the master bedroom. He walked down to see it, walked all around talking about what was being installed, I trotted around after him, and he went back to the car. All without incident.

Right about this time, the insurance guy drove in the driveway. So I turned and began to walk back to the car… and stepped smack-dab on the ONE piece of wood in that section of the yard with a nail sticking up from it. 

I felt it go in and knew it was going to hurt like heck, but of course Insurance Dude is pulling in and so I reached down and pulled it out of my shoe/foot as quietly as I could. As I made my way back to the driveway I was thinking “Oh, geez, I am completely not up to date on my tetanus. OK, so what are the risk factors. You want it to bleed, so it oxygenates the wound and kills the germs. So I’m going to hope it bleeds a little and then I need to wash it in the car. I wonder if I should try to keep it open somehow so it’ll bleed more… probably not practical. How long is the thing with Insurance Dude going to take?” and so on. I was very calm and rational about the whole thing.

Got back to the car and stood there with my arms over the car roof, trying to telepathically communicare with Doug to talk fast. 

“No, really?” I hear Doug say. “So what other accounts are you working on right now?”

Telepathy plainly not working.

As I stood there, my foot began to feel a little odd. I glanced down and saw a ring of red up around my instep. 

Yep, my entire shoe was filled with blood. 

Telepathy now becomes frantic. Shut up, Doug, shut up.

“How is your son? Soccer team doing well?” 

Oh, geez.

I watch bemusedly as a little river runs out of the vent of my shoe and gathers in a pool under my foot. 

Well, I did want it to bleed. Definitely got my wish there.

FINALLY, I hear the sounds of leave-taking. Insurace Dude gets in his car and I wave gaily at him as he pulls away.

Then I ever so casually ask Doug if he can bring me a baby wipe. 

I did get the somewhat satisfying experience of seeing him stagger away and wheeze for a little while when he saw what I needed a wipe for. You can’t buy that kind of comedy gold.

I used half the box of wipes on my foot and shoe while Doug called around looking for a tetanus booster. Thankfully, the kids’ pediatrician was happy to hang around and wait for us to come in. Half an hour later I was the proud owner of a very achey arm and a fresh ten-year lease on tetanus-free life. 

I’m not sure the shoe will ever be the same, though.


8 thoughts on “Tetanus! Like Festivus!

  1. This so proves an insurance point I was trying to make with a local agent this week…houses under renovation are MUCH more risky! Hmmm…wonder if your contractor has a liability policy…LoL…

  2. You poor thing. Seriously, I think you may need an exorcism to get rid of all this bad luck.

    However, after meeting Doug, I LOL at him chatting away with the insurance dude while you’re bleeding to death. He’s so friendly like that!

  3. surely you’re the only person that can make me laugh out loud while describing something so potentially hazardous to your health (and sanity). I dunno how you do it, J. I guess we can all be thankful it was you and not one of the girls? Sheesh, you need a vacation, complete with froufy umbrella drinks, after all this! I’m very glad you’re ok.

    And yeah, isn’t it frustrating how that telepathic-spouse thing only seems to work at stupid times but not when you reallyREALLY need it?

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