Because I am limp with relief and punchy as all heck, the following story will be told entirely in haiku. Because that’s the way I roll, baby.Doug talks a great deal Words fall like rain on mountains I do not notice. .
But he said Tuesday What the freeb did he say then? An office function! .
Disaster! Horror! You must watch kids that day! A helpless shrug. .
Fine! I can do this! Hand, white as cherry blossoms Grasps my savior: Sanyo. .
Pack movies unwatched. Is Shreck 2 too old for Tab?
Who cares. I’m desperate. . What else? Chocolate yum. Of course! Twelve ounce per milk box One for each offspring. . Alarm failure. GAH! Feet pound to station wagon Who will sit with Clue? .
All stressing, panting
Dog hair ascends, breathe like mist Smokers cough not this bad. . Now the thin high pipe Reaches from cold earth to heav’n No, wait, that’s the babe. . She’ll not stop. Ever. We pray for world’s ending now. Bolt from heaven: milk! . Chocolate will save us. She gulps, then fights for the straw Do not surrender! . The scream. The scream. On. On and on and on and on. Capitulation. . “GIVE HER THE BOX NOW!” She, drunk with power, crows joy Sloshes great reams out. . Chocolate milk. I hate you. The brown rain falls on my head Leaves from Mt Fuji. . We’re there. Thank great God. Dry off the Sanyo with sleeve Herd kids in, then Clue. . Shrek 2! Shrek 2! Yay! Nine seconds it transfixes. Then her feet hit floor. . Sit down. Sit your rear. Sit down. I said it; sit down. Sit on your bottom. . Sit down. SIT THE HECK… Get your sister. Where’d she go? She’s got someone’s cat! . Weigh everyone. Twice. Feed Zuzu that dog bone. Yes. I do mean it. Yes.
. My pockets wheeze, soft Full of much chocolate milk
Warm now, and tacky. . Where have the bibs gone? Use two trillion lemon wipes Baby’s face still brown. . At last the call. Come! Techs wipe down chairs as we leave Waiting room carnage. . Doctor’s voice, focus! Baby climbs on his PC,
Drools on the x-ray. . All is well. Hooray! We high five. We high five him. Even high five God. .
Now to get home. Lord! Pack up sodding Sanyo too. Pack up many things. . Camel train heads west. Keep moving! Do not take off Your shoes young lady! . Baby under arm Clue under other arm now. Doctor’s parting words: . “There is something wet And possibly sticky on Your dog, did you know?” .
We run. We run fast. Like the drum of hail on tin
Feet beat it to car. . “Now chocolate milk all! Do not care even a bit! You guys want muffins?” . For she was lost, found And we are found too, rescued Sticky, yes, but whole. . And Clue likes muffins So very much. She eats some. And some more after. . And I cry some, salt Washing dog hair off my cheeks Joy adds to wet lap. . .