The long story

Because I am limp with relief and punchy as all heck, the following story will be told entirely in haiku. Because that’s the way I roll, baby.

Doug talks a great deal
Words fall like rain on mountains
I do not notice.
But he said Tuesday
What the freeb did he say then?
An office function!
Disaster! Horror!
You must watch kids that day!
A helpless shrug.
Fine! I can do this!
Hand, white as cherry blossoms
Grasps my savior: Sanyo.
Pack movies unwatched.
Is Shreck 2 too old for Tab?
Who cares. I’m desperate.
What else? Chocolate yum.
Of course! Twelve ounce per milk box
One for each offspring.
Alarm failure. GAH!
Feet pound to station wagon
Who will sit with Clue?
All stressing, panting
Dog hair ascends, breathe like mist
Smokers cough not this bad.
Now the thin high pipe
Reaches from cold earth to heav’n
No, wait, that’s the babe.
She’ll not stop. Ever.
We pray for world’s ending now.
Bolt from heaven: milk!
Chocolate will save us.
She gulps, then fights for the straw
Do not surrender!
The scream. The scream. On.
On and on and on and on.
She, drunk with power, crows joy
Sloshes great reams out.
Chocolate milk. I hate you.
The brown rain falls on my head
Leaves from Mt Fuji.
We’re there. Thank great God.
Dry off the Sanyo with sleeve
Herd kids in, then Clue.
Shrek 2! Shrek 2! Yay!
Nine seconds it transfixes.
Then her feet hit floor.
Sit down. Sit your rear.
Sit down. I said it; sit down.
Sit on your bottom.
Sit down. SIT THE HECK…
Get your sister. Where’d she go?
She’s got someone’s cat!
Weigh everyone. Twice.
Feed Zuzu that dog bone. Yes.
I do mean it. Yes.
My pockets wheeze, soft
Full of much chocolate milk
Warm now, and tacky.
Where have the bibs gone?
Use two trillion lemon wipes
Baby’s face still brown.
At last the call. Come!
Techs wipe down chairs as we leave
Waiting room carnage.
Doctor’s voice, focus!
Baby climbs on his PC,
Drools on the x-ray.
All is well. Hooray!
We high five. We high five him.
Even high five God.
Now to get home. Lord!
Pack up sodding Sanyo too.
Pack up many things.
Camel train heads west.
Keep moving! Do not take off
Your shoes young lady!
Baby under arm
Clue under other arm now.
Doctor’s parting words:
“There is something wet
And possibly sticky on
Your dog, did you know?”
We run. We run fast.
Like the drum of hail on tin
Feet beat it to car.
“Now chocolate milk all!
Do not care even a bit!
You guys want muffins?”
For she was lost, found
And we are found too, rescued
Sticky, yes, but whole.
And Clue likes muffins
So very much. She eats some.
And some more after.
And I cry some, salt
Washing dog hair off my cheeks
Joy adds to wet lap.

2 thoughts on “The long story

  1. My favorite part:

    “There is something wet
    And possibly sticky on
    Your dog, did you know?”

    Sounds like my life most of the time. LOL I’m glad things are looking up.

  2. Laugh, cry — when hope becomes reality. But, I do not know how you do this with a baby and other youngsters. Can you put the kids in crates and take a long bubble bath with an aroma therapy candle burning — or maybe you aren’t doing candles anymore. Give yourself a break, Joanna!

    Then when you are feeling like writing more Haiku, perhaps you could tell us more about the boy who found Clue.

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