New Revised Kimball Translation

And God said to the man, “Do not eat the fruit from the Tree of Head to Toe.”

But the snake hated the Head, and also the Toe, and he said to them “Eat it.”

And they did.

And they immediately did know the Head, and the Toe, and also about the Scapula and even parts of the Patella.

And then God came to them and said, “Oh, my foolish, foolish children.

“Now you do know the Head, and the Toe, and I see that you have also found the Scapula and even parts of the Patella.

“But now I tell you that you do NOT know your Arse from your Elbow, and soon the entire Creation will be aware of this. And I also tell you that you do not know your Sit-Upon, and you will indeed wear it often as a hat.

“And I will spend the next thirty-nine books rescuing your Sit-Upon from your Head, and indeed vice versa, for knowing the Head and the Toe, and the Scapula and even parts of the Patella, are going to bring you much pain, and many chiropractor bills.

“My urge to wiggle my fingers at you and say ‘I told you so’ is easily stifled, because I’m God, and the Head and the Toe have been known to me since before there was.

“However, look out for guys named Nathan and Samuel. For their fingers will not be so reined in.

“Now. Where’s that snake?”

– reflections upon reading Gen. 3. I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate translation from the Hebrew. –

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