I am such a child.

I rarely talk about my job, because it’s boring as heck wonderful and a huge blessing, please Lord don’t let my boss ever fire me because there’s no way I could ever find another job where I could work from home, and also because I am bound by a nonconfidentiality agreement and am not supposed to reveal stuff. So just make up whatever position you want if I tell you that I edit a lot of marketing and communications documents and I write a few of them.

So tonight, what comes across my plate? Can everybody say CONCEPT, BREAKING NEWS HEMORRHOID STAPLER?  Oh YEAH, baby! Don’t you want to go to med school immediately? Because you could get your hands on a SWEET pistol-grip circular hemorrhoid stapler with new, clear, LONGER anal dilator! Longer than ever before! So long, it reaches the FUTURE.

So if you need CONSISTENT placements of your purse string sutures, if you want greater visibility and better access, if you need to get you some some HOTT Directional Stapling Technology that incorporates DRAMATICALLY greater tissue volume thanks to a breakthrough anoscope, you just let me know.

I will strongly consider breaking my nonconfidentiality agreement.